London Calling...

THERE'S a couple of things about London that you're never really prepared for, things that you wouldn't necessarily associate with the capital of one of the world's greatest empires, albiet more than a few years ago.
Parts to do with the local psyche that don't quite match up with the enduring stereotypes that you (ok, me) grew up with.
It's certainly not the weather. As many an English person (pom) has said, if you want nice, warm and sunny weather, you face towards England and walk the other way. It hasn't been too bad here, but I'm still not looking forward to the concept of a freezing January and February when my body clock says it's time for 30 degrees and 100 per cent humidity.
It's not the fact that the Underground is often crowded and breaks down regularly. You're always resigned to the fact that the first train you try to get on is generally the first one in 10 minutes and that 456,972 other people have decided to try the same thing at the same time. Besides, smart man notices there's a train a minute later that's often close to empty.
It's definitely not the fact that there's almost a pub on every corner. I made sure I was prepared for that concept...
No, the first fact about London that you're not prepared for is the fact that a great many of the locals are extraordinarily rude. To stand in line for a tube ticket is to feel what it's like to be a pinball, except that the flippers are more likely to apologise for sending you all kinds of places you didn't want to go.
Make eye contact or smile while on the tube and the likely response is a glare. In fact, that applies off the Tube as well: I smiled to myself about something that happened back home and a man asked rather aggressively what I was smiling at.
Put people in the front row of a comedy club and they're mre likely to tear your head off than thank you for your service.
Here I was thinking the English were polite people with manners...
But possibly the thing you're most unprepared for is the water.
Not so much the fact that so much falls from the sky - see point made above - but the fact that the water pressure is so monumentally crap.
When I first came over last year it took me half an hour to get the toilet to flush properly: you have to have the knack (and believe me, you learn quickly!). Showers are often fraught with danger as the hot water fluctuates while you're running backwards and forwards under the dribble to try and get wet.
Apparently it's because the pipes here date back to Victorian times, something they're only just fixing up.
Despite the water and some of the people, it's still a plenty special place.
Just don't use the Tube in peak hour.