I was drunk, needed the money...

As promised earlier on in the piece, here are some more tips and tricks of the trade that I've picked up in my 20-odd years of existence. Enjoy.

Nice guys don't finish last.
They don't finish first either. Nope, nice guys will generally finish in the minor placings. This sounds all well and good, but ask Geelong Cats or North Sydney Bears fans what it's like to just miss out on the major prize...

Learn the words to some songs.
Every self-respecting Australian planning to travel should know the words to Khe Sanh, Down Under, and I Still Call Australia Home. This is not optional.
Optional songs you can learn include Working Class Man, (You Shook Me) All Night Long, Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again (or at least the chant) and Advance Australia Fair.
Note I haven't included Waltzing Matilda. You should know the words to this already. If you don't know the words to this, there are support groups available (I Don't Know The Words To Waltzing Matilda Anonymous (IDKTWTWMA) is a good start).

Reputations count.
To a point. In the Big Smoke, you can have any kind of a reputation, but can hide away in one of the many niches around the place until it's changed.
In country areas though, once you've got a reputation, you're stuck with it.
And remember, first impressions count - so if you've got a reputation as a bit of a Romeo or as the town bike - you're stuck with it for a very long period of time.
The only way to avoid this is to get the hell out of town, or maintain a quiet dignity. But they'll probably get you for that anyway.

I'm from Queensland.
But that doesn’t mean I support the Brisbane Broncos. In fact, I support pretty much every national sporting league team from Queensland - so long as they’re not the Broncos.
I don’t know why I dislike them so much - but gee it was good to see North Queensland beat them last year. Soooooooo gooooood...

This is all highly unoriginal, but a chap by the name of John Saffron beat us all to it when he wrote Not The Sunscreen Song.
But hey - who cares?