This always frightens me. Really frightens me. This is largely because employers will either ask for super-experienced workers for an apprentice position, or the ones that do look like they could use my work abilities are the ones that look like they could go under any day now.
To make life really interesting, go too far in some newspapers and you end up looking up the personals section.
This section doesn't so much scare me as make me laugh. All these people write in saying how beautiful and wonderful they are, tempting you like a doughnut does to Homer Simpson. (Mmmmmm... doughnut....)
Yet you always get the feeling that answering these is only going to leave you disappointed. Sure, you might find the six-foot stunner is in fact six feet, but that's more likely to be six feet wide rather than six feet tall.
Likewise the girl who replies to the man who owns his own business and house could be a shade unhappy when it turns out the business is a dodgy fish and chip shop and the house is an illegally parked caravan.
But what if employment and personal ads were combined?
Imagine the ads then. You'd be able to tell the difference between male and female advertisers, simply because female advertisers would ask for "lots of experience necessary", while male advertisers would have "less experience the better. In fact, those with no experience will have the inside running."
Of course you would need more truth in advertising. Those "kilo-rich" people would need to make sure potential partners had all the right licenses (heavy vehicle, forkift etc), while those of us with large families will need someone with experience in catering for hundreds and thousands.
For the record, here's my ad to kick these new, "combined" ads off:
Girlfriend wanted
Do you like Pina Coladas? Or getting caught in the rain?
Are you not into health foods? But rather champagne?
If so then SAJ INC has the position for you.
We are currently looking for the right girl to fit a new role
in our ever-expanding business.
Applicants will need good catering skills,
a sense of humour, and the ability to watch cricket all summer
(or at least keep quiet while it's on).
Applicants should be between 18 and 27 years old,
be under 5 feet 10 inches tall,
and not spend all their money every time there's a sale on.
The successful applicant will be placed on probation for three months,
during which they may be released at any time.
There will be plenty of opportunities to travel,
So don't delay in getting your application off today!
(Applications must include photos)
To apply, simply e-mail sajjittarius@yahoo.com.au
or click on one of the icons below.
SAJ INC is not an equal opportunity employer.
