Take the money and run...

ANOTHER year is coming to a screeching close - much to my disgust.
As someone with a December birthday it’s only natural that it happens to be my favourite month. How often do you get birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, cricket and warm (drinking) weather in the one month?
This year was a little different - I’ve now reached what is known as the Mid-Twenties. (Coincidentally the top temps here in Cooma are also just reaching the Mid-Twenties).
But as someone who’s now (allegedly) moved on from the wasteful behaviour of the Late Teens and Early Twenties, I feel it only right that I pass on these small chunks of information to the rest of you in the vain hope you might actually pay attention.
So here are my top tips (in no particular order) about life, the universe and everything.

Music is good.
Let’s face it, there’s nothing better than to kick back on a day off, chuck a favourite cd/album/mp3/tape on and just relax.
But wait - there’s more.
You can put it on in the car to stop you from going stir-crazy on long trips, you can dance to it, and you can put it on at work and listen to Fleetwood Mac and Crowded House instead of the staff bitching.

Alcohol impairs your judgement.
Really. Honest and truly. How else to explain why women would want to go out with me?
Jokes aside, who hasn’t woken up with the sinking feeling they’ve quite seriously f___ed up? Sometimes it’s immediately obvious - they’re in the bed with you wanting breakfast, sometimes it’s the pounding head and mutinous stomach, and sometimes it’s your boxer shorts on the roof.
This leads to a little game I like to call "What Did I Do Last Night?", or in some cases the always-funny "Who Did I Do Last Night?".
Of course most people will play these games at one stage, so when it’s your turn, remember to smile.

Microsoft is useful. To a point.
After that point, it’s just a pain in the arse.
In my own profession it’s vitally important to make sure spelling and grammar are correct. As such, the little green squiggly lines often come up to alert me of a potential problem.
The problem is when they alert me to something I didn’t want, like a missing "that", as opposed to some other more obvious problems, like no full stop at the end of a sentence.
Likewise trying to get the right answer when you use that annoying bloody paper clip for help. I think I’d rather take my chances asking Mr Ed.

Some men have "it".
The rest of us don’t.
Of course, if anyone can actually figure out what "it" is, could they please post a comment at the bottom of this page and let the rest of us poor souls in on the secret.

Karaoke takes balls.
It’s also very dangerous when the silly bugger running the machine decides to give you an easy seven or eight songs in a row, including at least one by AC/DC.
This will leave you with a rather dry throat and a croaky voice for the rest of the week (which is a good reason to only do it at the end of the week).
Drinking more alcohol won’t help - it makes your voice worse. On the upside though, more grog can lead to some very interesting performances, especially of Joe Cocker’s Leave Your Hat On.

There’s more than this - but I’ll add those at a later stage in the space/time continuum.

Please note I've finally figured out how to limit the number of posts on the front page. If you want to read previous posts, click on the "Previous Posts" section on the right of the screen. If you don't want to read previous posts, it doesn't matter now does it?

Listen to the music

Please allow me to introduce myself,

I'm a man of wealth and taste...

Actually, I'm only one of those two, and that is a matter under much discussion. But what better way to kick off a column about music than with the Rolling Stones Sympathy For The Devil.

Music is one of those things that can reach us in very different ways. Some like to music to dance to, some like music for background, some like music to put them in a certain mood.

There are some songs that, for one reason or another, stay in the memory for a long time. Sometimes there's no real reason, but quite often the real beauty behind these songs is the lyrics contained within.

Guess there are times when we all need to share a little pain,

And ironing out the rough spots,

Is the hardest part when memories remain,

And it's times like these when we all need to hear the radio,

'Cause from the lips of some old singer,

We can share the troubles we already know.

Bernie Taupin wrote the lyrics, Elton John the music as well as the performance of Sad Songs (Say So Much).

As would be expected, there are a lot of songs that deal with heartbreak, ask the big questions, yada yada yada. Not all of these apply to everyone - I can't say I can relate to half the soppy stuff that comes out - but which male hasn't asked himself Is She Really Going Out With Him?, as so memorably sung by Joe Jackson and Sugar Ray.

After a breakup there are a number of "revenge" songs about how someone is better off without you really and why the dickens did I ever bother going out with you? For matching malice and profanities you really can't go past Eamon and Frankee's F___ It (I Don't Want You Back) and F___ You Right Back.

As someone with a little more class (allegedly), my own preference is for songs like Amiel's Lovesong or Pete Murray's So Beautiful.

God my fingers burn,

Now when I think of touching your hair,

You have changed so much that I don't know,

If I can call you and tell you I care,

And I would love to bring you down,

Plant your feet back on the ground,

You think you're so beautiful (so beautiful)...

There are other songs though. One song that never fails to touch home is Redgum's I Was Only 19 (A Walk In The Light Green). The song was based on the experience of a Vietnam vet, with the lyrics telling a story better than any tv show ever could.

Another Vietnam War song is Cold Chisel's Khe Sanh. While telling the story of a Vietnam vet who made it back, there's a part somewhere in the lyrics that most people can relate to. A catchy chorus helps as well.

There are other popular songs that we relate to - two old favourites are the Counting Crows' Mr Jones and Train's Drops Of Jupiter (Tell Me).

Mr Jones and me tell each other fairytales,

And we stare at the beautiful women,

"She's looking at you - I don't think so, she's looking at me",

Smiling in the bright lights,

Coming through in stereo,

When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely...

___________________________________________

Tell me, did you sail across the sun,

Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded,

That heaven is overrated,

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,

One without a permanent scar,

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

All very meaningful really, and all relevant at one stage in the past.

But for those of you who have had the fortitude to hang around, the final two songs for today are ones that really do sum it all up.

Got the motor running, got the rest of my days,

Sold everything I owned for a song,

So anytime you want babe, you can come around,

But don't leave it too late, you just might find me gone...

Cold Chisel's Bow River is a classic, as is this one:

Some things in life are bad,

They can really make you mad,

Other things just make you swear and curse,

When you're chewing on life's gristle,

Don't grumble, give a whistle,

And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...

Always look on the bright side of life,

Always look on the light side of life,

If life seems jolly rotten,

There's something you've forgotten,

And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When you're feeling in the dumps,

Don't be silly chumps,

Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing...

Monty Python's Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life. A classic, and where we end today's show.