ANOTHER year is coming to a screeching close - much to my disgust.
As someone with a December birthday it’s only natural that it happens to be my favourite month. How often do you get birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, cricket and warm (drinking) weather in the one month?
This year was a little different - I’ve now reached what is known as the Mid-Twenties. (Coincidentally the top temps here in Cooma are also just reaching the Mid-Twenties).
But as someone who’s now (allegedly) moved on from the wasteful behaviour of the Late Teens and Early Twenties, I feel it only right that I pass on these small chunks of information to the rest of you in the vain hope you might actually pay attention.
So here are my top tips (in no particular order) about life, the universe and everything.
Music is good.
Let’s face it, there’s nothing better than to kick back on a day off, chuck a favourite cd/album/mp3/tape on and just relax.
But wait - there’s more.
You can put it on in the car to stop you from going stir-crazy on long trips, you can dance to it, and you can put it on at work and listen to Fleetwood Mac and Crowded House instead of the staff bitching.
Alcohol impairs your judgement.
Really. Honest and truly. How else to explain why women would want to go out with me?
Jokes aside, who hasn’t woken up with the sinking feeling they’ve quite seriously f___ed up? Sometimes it’s immediately obvious - they’re in the bed with you wanting breakfast, sometimes it’s the pounding head and mutinous stomach, and sometimes it’s your boxer shorts on the roof.
This leads to a little game I like to call "What Did I Do Last Night?", or in some cases the always-funny "Who Did I Do Last Night?".
Of course most people will play these games at one stage, so when it’s your turn, remember to smile.
Microsoft is useful. To a point.
After that point, it’s just a pain in the arse.
In my own profession it’s vitally important to make sure spelling and grammar are correct. As such, the little green squiggly lines often come up to alert me of a potential problem.
The problem is when they alert me to something I didn’t want, like a missing "that", as opposed to some other more obvious problems, like no full stop at the end of a sentence.
Likewise trying to get the right answer when you use that annoying bloody paper clip for help. I think I’d rather take my chances asking Mr Ed.
Some men have "it".
The rest of us don’t.
Of course, if anyone can actually figure out what "it" is, could they please post a comment at the bottom of this page and let the rest of us poor souls in on the secret.
Karaoke takes balls.
It’s also very dangerous when the silly bugger running the machine decides to give you an easy seven or eight songs in a row, including at least one by AC/DC.
This will leave you with a rather dry throat and a croaky voice for the rest of the week (which is a good reason to only do it at the end of the week).
Drinking more alcohol won’t help - it makes your voice worse. On the upside though, more grog can lead to some very interesting performances, especially of Joe Cocker’s Leave Your Hat On.
There’s more than this - but I’ll add those at a later stage in the space/time continuum.
Please note I've finally figured out how to limit the number of posts on the front page. If you want to read previous posts, click on the "Previous Posts" section on the right of the screen. If you don't want to read previous posts, it doesn't matter now does it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
For starters, "IT" is easy to describe - "it" is what I once had and you never had, and some lucky bastard out there has "it" right now but doesn't know. Some people think they have "it", but they don't. Some people want "it", but won't ever get "it". Some people don't want "it" but have "it" anyway and still don't know what "it" is. Ironically, wanting "it" is what prevents you actually having "it". Like wise not caring whether you have "it" is the most important factor in having "it". Therefore you only have "it" for as long as you are unaware of "it" and by the time you figure out you have "it", "it" is gone.
I don't like "it".
Secondly - not all music is good. I think Celine Dion proved that to the world.
Thirdly - Alcohol can only be considered to impare your judgement if you ever sober up. If you are always drunk then you are never embarrassed, ashamed or regretful of the things you don when you are drunk, they would seem quite reasonable.
But if you do sober up in the morning to begin playing a game of "Who did I do last night?" then pray it doesn't actually become a game of "what did I do last night?" and "why won't the cat come near me anymore?".
Fourthly - On the subject of karaoke I only have one comment. If other people don't want to hear me butcher Khe Sahn for the fifth time in one night then they should go to a different bloody Cold Chisel concert.
Cagey
Post a Comment