The A-Z of 2006

BACK by no demand whatsoever, it's my own view of the year 2006 (The Year Of The Decent Person) in 26 easy steps. This may take a while, so grab yourself a cuppa (or beer if you're lucky enough to be in Australia), turn of the phone, and enjoy...

A is for Ashes, Australia winning the
If there was one thing about last year that I wasn't really prepared for, it was England doing the unthinkable and winning the 2005 Ashes series. Since then pretty much every cricket fan in Australia has been gunning for revenge, if only to shut certain English supporters up (here's a tip guys - we've already held the Ashes and the Rugby World Cup twice. It's not unheard of). Three Tests in and Australia holds the Ashes once more!

B is for Bananas and Barrels
At various times during our training we'd talk about what the end of training party and how drunk we were going to get. "It'll be on like Donkey Kong" would often be the call. "Bananas and the barrels." Throughout the season it'd be the catchcry every time the four of us males caught up - time for the bananas and the barrels.

C is for Craziness
And gee willickers, wasn't there a fair bit of that? Whether it was staying up till all hours after a Munich pub crawl, drinking just a tipple too many in Venice or any night in Florence, there was craziness aplenty all year.

D is for Decent Person, Year of the
While 2005 was memorable in so many different ways, there were a few things it needed to improve upon. For one, it seemed like all the sleazes and creeps were the ones hooking up, while my own behaviour was at times a little off. Myself, Waters and Sandy all designated this to be the Year of the Decent Person, something which has paid off well for all of us!

E is for Extravagance
Some guides are fairly straight up and down on the microphone; some throw in some low-grade humour; and some say things like "and Germany is bordered by Poland, the Czech Republic... Dan's Mum..." I was never quite that bad, although one driver was never impressed when I kept referring to him as the "Zimbabwean Zex Zymbol"...

F is for Friends
Not the sitcom, which tormented me throughout the Busabout season as the most commonly-played series, but rather the friends I made during the year. Last year I had the chance to make friends during a two-month period on the circuit; this year it was almost the full six months. I took things a little easier this year because of my job as a guide, but still managed to make some top friends. To all of you (and the old friends as well) I once again raise my glass and wish you the best for 2007.

G is for Golf
Not that I ever got to go out and play a game this year. At one stage in St Johann in Tyrol I went with Travis x2 for a round. We all hired out bikes and were looking forward to the concept of sledging each other as much as possible. The first drama came when we realised we had to ride over a mountain or 30 (none of us being close to fit), and then when we got there everyone was dressed up, a marked change from our outfits of thongs (footwear non-Australia smartarses), footy tops and rude t-shirts. To cap it all off we went down the side of a busy highway to get back...

H is for Hell to pay
Guess which bright spark had that after being late for the coach one day?

I is for Icey-cold December
I love December. From my birthday at the start of the month through to Christmas parties, Christmas and New Year's Eve, it's basically one big drink-fest that's normally done in stinking hot weather. Not this year! It wasn't a White Christmas (indeed, hasn't snowed in London yet), but so far as my body clock goes, it's a damn sight colder than it should be!

J is for Jungfraujoch
For the uninitiated this is where you go if you want to ride the highest train, eat at the highest restaurant, post from the highest post office and urinate/defecate from the highest toilets in Europe. We got to go free as part of our training, and I tell you what, it's worth every franc (154 for a normal return trip; equivalent to about A$165). It was also the first time the Zimbabwean Zex Zymbol had seen snow...

K is for Kissing
Dunno about French kissing in the USA, but there was certainly plenty of it in Europe this year (not necessarily by me). Some attempts by some to get a kiss were nothing short of hilarious; some were a case of "them with who?!?". Lots of entertainment for the whole family...

L is for Lobbies
It seemed like half of this year was spent on the road; the other half in hotel/hostel lobbies either helping people check in or as the night porter in a 4.5 star hotel. Personally, I'd rather have spent it in newspaper rooms or radio studios, but there you go.

M is for Marriage, Friend's
Only the one this year, and a damn shame I missed it! Hamish and Leanne tied the knot in April this year while I was doing my training. Of course, if Hamish can pull in such a fine catch, there's hope for the rest of us!

N is for Nothing
Which is what was in my head one night when I had just a few too many to drink. It nearly cost me my job with Busabout and lost me the respect of my boss and is obviously not something I'm proud of. I tried following it up with No-Alcohol, but that only lasted until the guy who ran Munich's "The Crawl" spotted me in Paris. After that I was a little more circumspect when drinking on a bus night...

O is for Oktoberfest
Munich. Beer. Women walking around in revealing clothes. Nirvana? You betcha - and I got to go twice and get paid for it! It's possibly the only place in the world where it's ok to sing and dance to both the Village People's YMCA and John Denver's Take Me Home Country Road. Priceless.

P is for Port Douglas
Many people quite like Port Douglas: but then they only visit the place for a holiday. Living there's a little tougher, especially when a serve of fish and chips on the main drag won't leave much change from a $10 note (maximum $5 in just about every other place in Australia).

Q is for Queensland
To be perfectly honest, last year was shithouse so far as Queensland sporting teams go: we seriously couldn't have won a chook raffle even if we'd bought all the tickets. The Pura Cup final gave a hint of change when we racked up the small matter of 900 runs against Victoria (teeheehee), but the fun was just starting. In the State of Origin we went down to NSW 17-16 in the first game courtesy of a Brett Finch drop goal. Fast-forward to the second game and I happen to have days off in an Aussie bar in St Johann in Tyrol (Austria). The first game I'd watched in two years was the best, as Queensland shat all over NSW and won 30-6 in front of a seriously crazy Lang Park crowd. I didn't get to watch the third game, but a call back home confirmed what I needed to know: Queensland had come back again and won the series. At last!!!

R is for Relax, Stupid!
I wish I'd done that a little more in 2006. Hopefully the New Year means a new beginning, and I won't have to worry so much about money, work, the boss wanting to sack me, etc etc.

S is for Serving your country
At the time of writing I have two brothers serving with the Australian Army overseas; a friend of mine has her twin brother doing the same. While we may not agree with the reasons behind our soldiers going to certain parts of the world, we certainly wish them the best and pray for a safe return home.

T is for Traffic
And didn't we run into a shitload of that this year? We had some shockers - five hours to travel less than 100km from Dresden to the Czech border; trying to get around the Rome GRA; anytime coming into Paris. But the one that takes the cake was heading from Nice to Barcelona via Avignon. We'd hit speed for a minute or so, then wait another ten before we could go again - and this pretty much the whole way from Avignon to Barcelona. The crew on the previous bus got into Barca around 1800; we got in around 2230 after starting at 0800. Not the world's greatest birthday for Migs, and not a great one for either of us as we had to be up and at 'em by 0800 the next day!

U is for Underground, The
When I first came to London in 2005 the Underground seemed like such a wonderous thing: trains every few minutes reaching most destinations. Now I'm living in London it can be a pain in the arse, especially since it doesn't run 24-7. Also because at one point it seemed every train I wanted to get on was the first for about 15 minutes and as such was jam-packed with sweaty, stinky commuters.

V is for Victory
See A and Q for further details...

W is for World Cup
Quite possibly one of the biggest thrills of this year was being in Germany for parts of the soccer World Cup. Although I missed Australia beating Japan (being on a bus between Nice and Lauterbrunnen was a nice consolation prize), I did get to see parts of the other Australian matches. During the Australia-Brazil I broke a chair (and was recognised by about 50 passengers) when Australia came close to scoring; the Croatia match I was back in Lauterbrunnen getting completely shitfaced; and the Italy match I just managed to see in Paris (in time for the "Dive of the Century"). I also got to see the Germany vs Italy semi at the fan mile in Berlin and the France vs Italy final in Paris. In both cases the country I was in lost... damn Italians!

X is for X-Rated TV
Which is exactly what you'll get if you happen to idly flick through the free-to-air stations on Spanish TV. Seriously, it's the kind of stuff you normally get in a brown paper bag after sending $9.95 plus postage and handling to a Fyshwick address...

Y is for Young Siblings
I have a brother not far past 8 and a sister about to turn 5. I haven't seen them since March; I probably won't see them again until January 2008. I miss them both heaps, but rest assured, they're getting some pretty big hugs when I (eventually) get back!

Z is for Zimbabwean Zex Zymbol
Some people know him as the Zimmer; I made this one up; and Jules toook it one step further with the Zeductive Zlutty Zimbabwean Zlapper. Whatever you call him, he's a top bloke - the memories of celebrating his birthday in Nice then spending his actual birthday stuck in traffic for 14 hours will stay with me for a long time.

Here's to a safe 2007!