Ten Years On: The First Day

LONDON, early May, 2006. The coach pulls out from outside the St Christopher's London Bridge hostel. I grab the microphone from its hole in the middle of the dashboard and walk up the two steps to the main section and kneel down on the aisle seat of the first seats on the right. Forty-six pairs of eyes look up expectantly - we're heading to Paris, and it's my job to tell them about it.

The previous two days had been a blur. There was talk after the training trip about partying for 48 hours; I'm not sure any of us last much past 11pm. I have to go to head office to collect all my equipment and spend the rest of the time trying desperately not to freak myself out at what's coming up.

I have a few drinks with some of the crew the night before but still struggled to sleep through a combination of nerves, exhilaration and the thought that the girl I liked was more interested in another bloke. Perfect for starting a new job in customer service the next day, I'm sure you'll agree.

Eventually it's time to get out of bed. I've already woken up no less than five times, urgently checking my phone to make sure I haven't slept through the alarm and turn up late for my very first day of my dream job. I haven't, but when I do eventually get up I'm buzzing even without a hit of caffeine. Only dark rings under my eyes hint at the patchy night's sleep, but given in my preschool photo I had dark rings under my eyes people probably thought I was ok.

We take the tickets from passengers as they board - later on I will give each one a small card that we swipe every time they start a new sector. We've actually got some fairly cool technology: each guide has a mobile phone with GPRS & Bluetooth connections; a small palm computer that contains data we download at least daily; and a small printer/card swiper that will not only pick up whose cards we've swiped, but also print out vouchers for excursions in each city. These sales are pretty important to us as they we get a commission on each one sold.

Eventually everyone's on. We've got 45 passengers, a fourth-year guide called Grantos who's there to help me out, and a second-year driver behind the wheel. Paperwork completed, I stand up to give my first talk. As everyone looks up at me, I have an internal panic attack - what am I going to say? Will I make sure everyone gets on and off the Dover-Calais ferry ok? Shit, what if no-one likes me?

I begin to speak. I welcome everyone on-board, and for before I have too much time to think and stuff things up, I begin the safety spiel.

"First of all, there are three emergency exits on-board this bus: the two doors, the windows, and the two emergency hatches in the roof. To open the doors, pull down on the red lever and push the door out..."

My tour-guiding career has begun.