Ten Years On: The Interview

SO just to recap: I've travelled to the other side of the world for a job interview. I've lost a contact lens, put on a weak pair of glasses (that would give 99.99% of the population a massive headache), arrived about 30 seconds before the interview was supposed to start, then realised that my planned speech on King Edward VIII was going to suck compared to everyone else's.

Right.

So I have to change my talk. What in God's green earth can I talk about for five minutes that will get me my dream job? It has to be something that will interest everyone (that's cricket out); that includes some humour (cricket's out) and can't be about travel (cricket's out).

What can I talk about that's not cricket?

Then it comes to me. As the oldest of Mum's six children I can remember most of our health problems over the years, from one brother's deafness until he got grommets, to another brother's illness with what was eventually diagnosed Coeliac Disease, to the youngest two being born with red hair.

I also spoke about Amniotic Band Syndrome, a condition that affects one in 1000 live births and can leave babies with cleft palate, syndactyly or missing limbs. I got the middle one - it was part of the reason I was so socially awkward. But my rationale was to try and get this out of the way early as I thought it might have been an issue down the track. Why would it have been? I don't know - but I "knew" that it would come up at some point.

For a talk that was made up on the spot it actually went pretty well. I got a few chuckles throughout and relaxed after my talk right up until the lady in charge said that she was going on leave that afternoon for a week. This was a problem: we'd been told the follow-up interviews would be in the week after the presentation, so I'd planned to head back to Australia a week later.

Shit.

I had to come clean. Before heading home I emailed the company again, explained the situation and that I could either go something over the phone, over the internet (this was pre-Skype), or when I arrived back in the UK next, which I'd decided was definitely going to happen at some point in 2006.

I don't think I'd ever been so eager for someone to come back from leave. Every morning I'd come into work and check my emails for a response. When it finally came in they'd agreed to do a phone interview - the best-case scenario really. Not just because it meant I would know if I'd got the job before flying back over, but also because I could pace up and down the station throughout.

That was how it went down. I did the interview wearing a hole in the carpet with my incessant pacing while being questioned on Europe, travel and the price of fish in Denmark this time of year.

A few days later I popped back into the office to grab something before we got insanely drunk. While there I quickly checked the computer and found a new email notification.

From the company.

...

...

I WAS IN!

Actually, I wasn't in per se, but had got a place on the training trip. We would head around Europe gathering information that we would use on the circuit. We'd stop at every stop along the way, including my first-ever trip to Switzerland. We'd even visit Liechtenstein.

I was going to Liechtenstein! I don't know if anyone has been as excited about going to Liechtenstein as I was that night. Switzerland as well, but Liechtenstein! Home of... bank accounts? False teeth? I dunno, I'll let Future Stuart deal with that.